I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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