Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
