omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
