Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
