One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
50% drunk capacity currently
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
