On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
