Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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