i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
