Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize