Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize