Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
this is an emotional support booty call
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
