If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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