What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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