"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
