i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
