just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
