Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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