So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
