My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize