tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
