I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
