my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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