i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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