I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
