I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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