I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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