I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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