I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize