Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
