Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
