Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
