This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
