Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
