dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
