I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
