Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
