I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
