Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
