I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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