you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
