I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
