there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
