I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
