We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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