come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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