is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mom said you looked used
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
