so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
