i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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