Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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