I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
