Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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