so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
