Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
