Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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