i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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