So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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