i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
