i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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