Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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