Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
