Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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