I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
