Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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