Don't EVER smell your tampon
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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