So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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