Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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