The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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