I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
