In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
