All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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