i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My life is pants optional.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
