in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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