now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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