it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
