i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I believe in your delicious
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
