Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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