I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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