Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
