dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
