Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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